This is open. This is uncut. You'll see why.

Per cluegirl's post, referencing the ultimate end to yet another bullying incident ending in suicide here.

Like many of you, I was one of those bullied girls. Because I was 'weird'. Because I was fat. Because I was smart. Because I was crap at sports. Because I was an SF/fantasy fan. Because I just didn't fit in.

I had teachers ignore it. Or be the bullies themselves. Or tell me "well, it's because you're different."

I got through it. I had teachers in higher grades who were different and thrived on it. Or encouraged me to be as smart as I could possibly be.

Uni helped. I found people I could fit in with. I saw the people who were, if not with the popular crowd, at least accepted, floundering because they were in a big wide world where no-one cared that they were x's daughter or y's sister.

Fandom helped. Even pre-internet.

But somehow the bullies were still there. People who thought it was fun to hide my bag before class. People who thought it was fun to spread rumours about my sexuality, years before I realised I was bi. Bosses who thought I was good to bully because I was young and keen and needed the job. And it built up their own self esteem because they knew they were doing a shitty job, or in a corporation with a bullying culture.

So called 'friends' who pushed their issues on to me and then blamed me for them. Or cut me because their friends did. Or who allowed me to let my guard down and trust them, then turn around and lash out to cover their own issues.

Despite it all, I still believe, in the face of much evidence, that people are good and only want to do good. Because I've found people out there who do just that, and are just that. Both people online who I've never met and may never meet, and people I've met and continue to meet IRL.

And I'm working to fix myself, and will shortly be going to work in a profession where I will be helping others. And like as not, I'll have people walking through the door who went through what I went through, and like my therapist, will be watching a woman or man in their forties turn into a sobbing wreck of a 5, 10 or 15 year old again. And I'll be able to say, "I know. I've been where you've been, and it sucks. And we're going to work on healing this hurt and heal it together."

And to all those bullies out there: to the girl who pushed me away from the painting group because I was young and visiting and didn't know the rules, to the teachers who thought it was great to take out their self-esteem issues on a scared, vulnerable little girl who was raised to be polite and compliant, to the classmates who thought it was fun to torments someone who was 'different', to the 'friends' who for reasons of their own decided to turn on me and use intimate knowledge of me to cut me down, to the bosses and supervisors who decided to take advantage of someone who was vulnerable and needed a job/and or the money, right down to my ex-fiancee who decided, in a period of deep vulnerablility and pain, and KNOWING about my self esteem issues, still had no hesitation at pointing out some of my mannerisms and habits as 'faults' that I should correct (and yeah, how am I supposed to eat with my mouth closed when I'VE GOT A COLD THAT MAKES ME WANT TO CURL UP IN A CORNER AND TELL THE WORLD TO GO AWAY AND I CAN'T BREATHE THROUGH MY FREAKING NOSE?) ...

FUCK YOU ALL. JUST FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE EAR. AND BY GOD I HOPE KARMA CATCHES UP WITH YOU BUT GOOD.